If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
