hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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