Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
