So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
