ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
