take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
