R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
