Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
