Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
