just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had sex on a roof
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
