I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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