we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
