Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
