even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
