Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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