i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He? As in you personified your dick?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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