I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
