i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize