I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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