I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
