she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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