when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
