Don't you send me to vm
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize