I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
