Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
