We're like a lot better than the average bears
another moral hangover. fuck.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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