I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
