I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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