I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
