why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Enjoy the penises
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
