I wish my penis had an off switch
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
