Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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