I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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