Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
