This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
