I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
