...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
