when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
