I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
