It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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