Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I deserve this hangover.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
