on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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