Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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