she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
