I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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