Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
