I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
