remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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