Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
