In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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