Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
