I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize