it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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