New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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