mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
