The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
