Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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