I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize