I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
