I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize