We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
