I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
