That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
