I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
